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10 Very Important Questions with Grant O’Brien

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Grant O’Brien has been a writer/performer for CollegeHumor since 2015 – you probably know him best from sketches like Is Grant Keith From Buzzfeed?, How Tall Is Grant?, and Is That Hot Guy Gay?. Basically, any sketch title that’s a question stars Grant (Ed. note: this is not true). But for anyone who wanted to know MORE about what makes the mind of Grant O’Brien tick, we asked him 10 incredibly important and revealing questions. Enjoy!

 

1. What’s your favorite sketch idea that you haven’t been allowed to make?

I keep pitching “Is it too soon to jack off again” and it never gets greenlit and I don’t understand that because it’s so relatable, right? Tweet your answers to @mikewtrapp.

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Illustration of Grant’s unproduced sketch by Jacob Andrews.

2. What mammal do you think you could knock out with a single punch?

Homo sapiens *ten sunglasses emojis*”

3. What would be the shittiest superpower?

Whatever it is we’re calling David’s superpower on Legion certainly doesn’t look like very much fun.

4. What’s the worst pet?

I’m tempted to say dogs just to watch you dog lunatics go out of your minds, but it’s clearly fish.

5. What’s the best appetizer?

Boneless chicken wings. “Get the bone out!” -Grant O’Brien, 2018

6. Are hot dogs a sandwich?

Yes, and I don’t understand the confusion around this. Is it that part of the bread is still attached? All bread comes from loaves at some point. Hot dog buns are just small loaves.

7. Extra soft or extra strong toilet paper?

Are we getting into this? Okay, it’s your funeral. Extra strong toilet paper because I’ve had anal fissures before, so now when I wipe after I poop I dredge the toilet paper through petroleum jelly so I can daub it on my anus to keep it lubricated and moisturized, and to help form a barrier between any potential fissures and my feces. I’ve found that extra soft toilet paper tends to tear when I slide it through the Vaseline. Look, you asked.

8. Vampire or werewolf?

Vampire for sure. Vampires are sexy and werewolves aren’t. Plus I already order my steaks Pittsburgh Rare so vampirism is really the next logical step

9. What’s the grossest bodily fluid?

Saliva. All of your other bodily fluids originate in a closed system, but saliva just hangs out in a dark hole with rotting food and tartar.

10. Pick one celebrity to be soulbound to for the rest of your life. There’s no obligation that you have a romantic entanglement, although you’re allowed to, and you both will never be able to be more than 20 feet away from each other. Who do you pick?

Adam Rippon. A) He’s funny, and B) I’ll bet he can’t walk 10 feet right now without hot gay dudes throwing themselves at him, and I wouldn’t mind being nearby to play clean-up tbh


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